i miss you.
18 months later.
i miss you.
that’s what you texted me 2 weeks ago. i’m not sure i believe it. in the year & a half of your absence—your silence—so much has changed. i wouldn’t say i needed you, but god did i want you. and you weren’t there.
in november, she died. the disease ravaged her mind, leaving her a shell of herself. i remember when she lost the ability to speak english & i had to piece together what broken spanish i knew. i remember when she forgot my face, then my name, then me altogether, but she still knew las canciones de su isla. the last time i saw her, she couldn’t speak at all. i held her hand and said my goodbyes. she was gone a month later.
december and january were a blur of grief.
in february, he broke my heart again. lied about seeing someone new and used my grieving state as an excuse for why he didn’t tell me. when i asked him if we’d ever get back together, he lied again. said maybe. when i asked him what would happen to the new girl, he lied a 3rd time. said he’d stop talking to her. when i asked him what he was looking for, he finally told the truth. said he wanted someone who could take care of herself. i wished him well and told him we didn’t need to talk anymore.
in march, i wanted to kill myself so i went home for a week.
in april, i got in a car accident. slid across three lanes of traffic. thank god it was raining.
in may, i got a new car.
in june, i moved apartments.
july, i went home for a baby shower and a wedding.
august, i started teaching again.
september, i started talking to someone new.
october, ended things with him. and almost quit my job.
november, i thought about a new career.
december, i decided not to stop teaching yet. i thought about moving to georgia with my parents.
january was a blur.
february i turned 27. my cousin came to visit.
march, one of my best friends came to visit.
april, i got a new job in dc. i start next month.
may, i said goodbye to my students and cried. i went on a date. we don’t talk anymore.
june, you said you missed me. that we’d catch up soon. that you were sorry for being a terrible friend. what’s funny is i never thought you were a terrible friend. you didn’t have to apologize. but i accept it and i’ll wait for you.