Repentance

And even after all these years, his name still holds a place in my prayers. At times it is vindictive, oftentimes it is not. Be with him. Bless him. Keep him. And the likes.

My love has never been boundless, but my grace has always extended and overextended itself for others. Grace has never been a weakness of mine.

I’m unsure if he knows or understands the extent of the sins he committed against me. I pray he doesn’t. For his sake, I will allow those atrocities to be mine and mine alone. Besides, I heard he experienced enough pain and loss to make up for his ignorance. Interesting how the universe works sometimes.

But his name found a place in my prayers last night. And I’m unsure if it was grace or spite that made me say it, but I prayed for a slow, painless death for him—a blessing of sorts. Perhaps a chance at salvation. For in those final, drawn out moments before his soul ascends into the ether, he might meditate, repent, seek solace and peace and comfort. Seek forgiveness from God. Seek forgiveness from me as well.