Sometimes

Sometimes it feels like I’m falling apart at the seams

Like you could tear me straight down the middle

And pull me apart piece by piece—

String by string.

Sometimes I’m scared that every part of me will come pouring out

Like the right touch,

The right look,

The right person

Could open the floodgates that I call ribs.

Sometimes it feels like that person is you—

And sometimes it feels like it shouldn’t be.

Sometimes I hate you for making me feel this way

When you seem so flippant,

So unbothered,

So lukewarm

All the while, I’m bubbling over

With love.

With rage.

Sometimes those words feel like synonyms

Like I love you so much it makes me angry.

Sometimes it makes me hate you.

In fact—

I think I hate you.

You know me so well

I feel repulsed by you.

Don’t touch me again

Lest I fall apart in your arms

And leave another mess to be swept up

And under the rug.

Sometimes I fear you’ll leave me alone

To clean up this mess we made together.

Sometimes I wonder if I loved you less,

Would I be able to talk about it more?